January 7th 2009

Jenelle and I met with Dr. Khakoo and a few members of the team. Basically this meeting was to get Jenelle and I on the same page on what the hospital should do in the event Cristian goes into respiratory distress again. Basically they want us to make a decision whether we want Cristian back on the vent or to just let Cristian pass. This is so hard to hear and so hard to even accept. The Doctors want Jenelle and I to consider Cristian’s Quality of Life. Is it fair to keep Cristian alive in the condition he’s in because perhaps Jenelle and/or Myself want to keep him with us? At this point Cristian can barely nod his head. Cristian doesn’t speak, swallow, move any part of his body or breathe without assistance. Cristian is communicating with us by blinking his eyes. It is hard to get him to smile. I believe that at this point Cristian DOES NOT have the ability to move his head as much as he did a few weeks ago or smile the way he did a few weeks ago. I am sure Cristian still wants to smile, but I don’t believe Cristian can physically do these things. I would like Cristian to get another MRI which is scheduled for Thurs Jan 29th. If there is Tumor Progression then it will make it easier for me to make a decision. Cristian was always so active, affectionate and so full of life. I don’t want to see Cristian suffer anymore but if there is another decrease in tumor size after the next MRI then there is hope. As long as Cristian is alive and has the willpower to live there is always HOPE. God will make that final decision. I pray to God that He grants our Baby Boy Healing! So many people love our baby, Cristian, Please Pray that God puts His Healing Hands on Cristian!! Today when I asked Cristian if he wanted me to lie in bed and hold him Cristian nodded prominently, YES!, Cristian smiled and was so happy that I laid in bed with him. I also massaged Cristian’s feet, which makes him happy. God please save our son!

John “Gungie” Rivera
Forever Cristian’s Daddy